Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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