You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
