i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
