oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
