I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
