Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
