i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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