I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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