That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
