He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
