She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
