Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Randomize
