do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
