i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
