One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
