i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
