As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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