I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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