Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
