Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
