My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
