You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
