I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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