you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
