508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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