Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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