why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
