i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
