i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
