We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
