please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
