Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
