Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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