im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We are two peas in an std pod
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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