I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
