So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
