It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
