I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
