I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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