Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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