I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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