I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
