I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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