just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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