why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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