i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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