we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
