shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
