either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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