Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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