is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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