i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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