Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
