you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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