Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
