how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
