I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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