I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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