i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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