I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
