Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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