Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
