I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
