idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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