Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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