Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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