At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
