I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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