My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
