but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
not ubering you a puppy
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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