dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
