I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
