I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
When are your genitals available?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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