You're my little dorito
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize