Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
