forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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