OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
i think my cat just said my name.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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