well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
