we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
