he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Randomize
