I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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