i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize