I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
As shirtless as possible
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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