I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
