What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
