I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
