When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
