I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
