it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize