why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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