Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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