well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Still dying that you shit outside
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
