Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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