sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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