Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
just tell him i said nine months
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
