I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize