he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
