omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
