6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
