I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
