last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
