Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
