god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize