3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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