He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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