look no pants
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
