the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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