i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
