fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
