wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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