Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
